nolltretrettio

höstlöven faller

och jag faller med dem

natt efter natt efter natt

med en tyst önskan

om att nätterna slutar vara så förbannat långa

jag gömmer mig för höstsolen

och jag gömmer mig för mig själv

och alla ögon som någonsin mött min blick

det finns alldeles för många tårar som aldrig tar slut

men jag är inte värd er empati

jag är inte värd någonting

"I dreamt of a fever
one that would cure me of this cold winter set heart
with heat to melt these frozen tears
and burned with reasons as to carry on

into these twisted months
I'll plunge without a light to follow
but I swear that I would follow anything
just get me out of here

so you get six months to adapt
and you get two more to leave town
and in the event that you do adapt
we still might not want you around

but I fell for the promise
of a life with a purpose
but I know that's impossible now
and so I drink to stay warm
and to kill selected memories
cause I just can't think anymore about that 
or about her tonight

and I give myself three days to feel better
or else I swear am driving off a fucking cliff
because if I can't learn to make myself feel better
how can I expect anyone else to give a shit

and I scream for the sunlight
or a car to take me anywhere
just get me past this dead and eternal snow
cause I swear that I'm dying
slowly but it's happening
and if the perfect spring is waiting somewhere
just take me there
just take me there
just take me there
and lie to me and say
and lie to me and say
it's going to be alright
it's going to be alright
it's going to be alright"